Surrender to 25

I was laying on my grandmother’s bed in her room staring at the ceiling fan spin its white blades when I started to replay moments in my head of words that have been uttered to me recently.

“Being in your 20s suck.”

“You’ll never make good money at your age.” …the list goes on.

I could feel my fingers curl up and take shape into a fist like form. A wave of irritation mixed with excitement came over me. Within a matter of seconds, I had my defining moment. I could see my future flash before my eyes, and it was a beautiful one… something I was proud of. I felt like I was in a dream watching my life play out in front of me on a grand screen. I was just missing a big bowl of buttery popcorn and a blue raspberry icee. I could see myself kicking ass in a career that made me feel confident and self-assured. Simply put, I was happy to be alive, to feel something… anything.

Words can carry a heavy weight, whether I choose to ignore them or not. They become engrained in my subconscious and sink deep down in my brain and get stored their until I feel ready to wipe the hard drive. I have to do the dirty work and erase stored information that has been an impediment to my ultimate growth and aspirations.

I wake up every day, and get ready for a job that doesn’t fulfill me. I want more… I deserve more.

The following day after spending the night at my grandma’s house I was determined to find purpose and direction in where I’m headed. I think the reason why I have felt lost when it comes to my career is because I’m not exactly sure what it is that I want to pursue. For years I’ve always been hell bent on making the most possible money I can, not caring what the job actually entailed.

I started to think about the times I’ve felt the most happy at work. I remembered having two jobs that gave me a glimpse of what it is I actually enjoy. One of them I was an assistant to a life coach who was a former contestant on the reality TV Netflix series Love Is Blind. My favorite thing I loved about that job is that I would hop on breakthrough calls with other women and help guide them with struggles they were facing. It gave me a sense of confidence knowing that I could actually help these women, and that they listened to me. I realized I was much wiser than I gave myself credit for.

The second job that affirmed I loved helping women was when I was working at a cute clothing boutique. There was an encounter that stood out I will never forget. Two young girls walked into the store, they were in their first year of college and one of them was super timid and you could tell she felt uncomfortable shopping. I stroke up a conversation with her and helped her pick something out for fun. She ended up trying on so many different outfits, and each time she stepped out to look in the mirror her confidence was gradually growing. I made sure she felt seen and beautiful. Fast forward to her walking outside of the store wearing a new fit and carrying a bag full of cute new clothes. I made sure that girl felt like the queen she is, and that made me feel so fucking good.

I love helping people, especially women. I know that there’s something there that’s calling me in.

I hired an amazing resume writer to formulate a resume geared towards what I’m interested in potentially pursuing. Taking the action steps and doing the necessary reflections have helped me immensely.

I know this won't be the last defining moment. I’m ready for what’s to come.